New Running Goal

So for a long time now, I've wanted to train for and run a marathon. Last year, I came to the conclusion that I probably would never be able to run one. Mind you, I am a runner...a full blown runner. I hate taking walk breaks during my long runs (or any run for that matter) b/c I feel like a quitter or a slacker. However, this method has not always worked for me. I hurt the majority of the time, whether it's my right knee, my shins, or my right ankle (it seems I can't win) both during the runs and afterwards. In fact, I sometimes don't even want to go on my runs from being too sore. So this morning my mom and I attended a free training seminar hosted by none other than Jeff Galloway...he is a famous runner who created the run-walk method of training and running races. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical at first b/c as I previously mentioned, I believed (for myself) that walking was a sign of weakness.

So we go into an Irish pub this morning where the seminar was, and I sit with my mom who is really into it. And wouldn't you know, I was enthralled. It made me excited again about training for and running a marathon. More importantly, it made me excited for a training method in which I wouldn't be completely sore during and after. I've heard of this training method and I know people who have done it. Who knows why I haven't tried it before? Maybe I'm hard headed, but I never believed in it until today. Walking doesn't mean I'm weaker or that it will slow my time down, it simply means I know I have a huge wall I hit in my long runs. I've been so sore after my hour long runs that I can't even run my normal pace during them. My legs hurt and my asthma has been acting up, which I think is coming from an underlying problem (another long story, ugh), but I'm happy to have a running method that will hopefully allow me to train pain and injury free from now on.

I'll keep you posted about my progress...I think I'm signing up for the program, which starts May 1st and lasts 30 weeks. We meet every Saturday morning for our long runs, and we're responsible for our mid-week runs. This will put me into running the Marine Corps Marathon in October. I firmly believe signing up for the program and then registering for the marathon will push me farther than I've ever been pushed. I think I need it this year...I've had a rough past few months as the end of 2009 was not entirely pleasant for me. This will help pull me out of my home body shell and surround me with other people at least once each week. It will also give me something to focus on other than how much pain I'm in from forcing myself to finish my long runs.

So we shall see :-) I'm actually excited to see how I do with this next challenge in my life.


Quote of the day ~ "Life’s battles don't always go to the strongest or fastest man,
But sooner or later the man who wins is the fellow who thinks he can."

Weekend in TN

So I've spent this long weekend in TN with the wifey and my two babies :) I needed the break from work and home and dealing with my every day life. I love coming here and seeing my babies...it shows me a life I've only dreamed about. Having two little ones who can't really tell you what they want, one potty training, and one still in diapers. It's a lot of work, and sometimes a little frustrating, but it is so rewarding. To watch them grow and learn every day is so exciting...Brady has grown so much since the last time I saw him in November. He's saying so many new words and can understand so much. And best of all, he's doing so well potty training. I've been a part of his life since he was a little peanut inside his mommy's tummy, so it's exciting to see how he's growing and changing over the years. The only thing I don't like is how far away I live from them...but we've more than made up for it this past year b/c I think I've seen them more than I saw them in 2008...it makes it easier since we're both on the same coast :) I can't believe I'm already leaving tomorrow...it feels like all our visits fly by. But it's nice to have my wifey to talk to...and I know it's nice for her and George to have a night away from the kids. Today is their 3rd anniversary, so they went into Nashville last night to celebrate. I'm glad I can come for a visit and provide them a little break away. I know it's not a long break, but it gives them some time to go on a date and be a couple :)

I can only hope one day I'll have a happy marriage and two beautiful children to come home to. But for now, I am happy...or trying to be happy...with my life. The past month and a half has been very difficult, but I’m attempting to move on. I’m accepting my feelings of anger, hurt, resentment, and bitterness. And I’m telling myself every day that I did nothing wrong...that what happened wasn’t my fault. Don’t get me wrong...I know my part in why our relationship ended, but I didn’t make the decision for him to cheat on me...he made that decision. And that decision was not my fault. However, there are so many things I learned from our relationship. Things I learned about myself, as well as myself as a part of a couple. I’m happy to have been in this relationship, so I was able to learn and grow so that my next relationship will be that much better. It’s not easy b/c Lee is still living with me...yes, he’s staying in another room, but he’s lived with me since we broke up. Next weekend he’s packing up his stuff and moving (finally) to Kansas City. I think I’ll be able to heal and move on much faster once we no longer live together. Goodness knows it hasn’t been easy b/c I do still love him...I thought I wanted to spend my life with him, and here we are, parting ways. And I’m certainly not ready to start dating…I want to learn more about myself and become a better person individually before I venture into the dating world again.

So here’s to throwing myself back into the things I love most...running, being with my friends and family, traveling, reading, taking some me time. I know I’ll have to accept my feelings and actually let myself feel them...I have to know that it’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to feel sad. And while I know I’m angry, I also know I can’t be destructive or take it out on anyone. I have to feel the anger, but also let it go. So here’s to being strong, being patient, and trusting in myself to grow stronger each day. It may not be better in the near future, but at least I know it will eventually be better.

Sadly, it took coming to my wifey’s house in TN to have all these revelations. They’re all things I knew, but didn’t really want to accept, if that makes any sense. So here’s to one day at a time...…allowing myself to feel my emotions instead of bottling them up...and realizing that things will eventually be far better than they are now. I know that this relationship was a great learning experience and a catalyst for my next exciting, new relationship.

So let’s see what the future holds…one day at a time :-)


Quote of the day ~ "Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."
-- Lewis B. Smedes

Christmas 2009

So for as much as I expected this Christmas to be really difficult and not so great, it turned into a FABULOUS Christmas. I really didn't ask anyone for anything, b/c Christmas kind of snuck up on me...it didn't feel like Christmas was here, then when everything hit the proverbial fan, time started flying by even faster. Mom and I didn't even feel like it was Christmas Eve on Christmas Eve. We had all the decorations up, all the presents wrapped, everything to make Christmas dinner, but it didn't feel like Christmas at all. But Christmas morning was amazing. We had such a great time with mom, my brother Jeremy and his girlfriend Autumn, and our five dogs, Riley, Moka, Sammie, Rafael, and Ginger. It was a hoot with the dogs running around like crazy, but we had so much fun :) And I totally got everything I wanted, and then some. I only asked for two things, but I got so much more than that! It seems my friends and family know me far better than I thought :)

I got the new Flip video camera from my dad and his wife, and it was awesome. I took so many hilarious videos of the dogs and our Christmas experiences. Mom and I were watching them earlier, and we were laughing so hard tears were running down our faces. It's such a little camera, but the picture is really nice and clear. I can record up to 2 hours of video on it! It's not good for far away shots, but it sure is nice for taking videos of the dogs...I can't wait to harass Riley and take videos of it :P He LOVES being touched and all!

I hope everyone else had an amazing holiday. It certainly is all about family and friends during this time of year. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you...surround yourself with people who treat you well. Because in the end, you'll find out who really loves and respects you...and life is too short to be with people who treat you poorly. We all deserve the best...so with that said, I hope you had an amazing Christmas, and have a wonderful 2010!!


Quote of the day ~ "Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it." - Woody Allen

Back with a new blog spot...

I deleted my last blog, because I didn't like the negativity...I've decided with 2010, I will be making some changes in my life. I have been through so many trials and tribulations over the past year...not all of them have been the best, but they've made me who I am now...who I will be in 2010. So here's to a new positive spin on my life...here's to a fabulous 2010!

When my life suddenly and drastically changed 2 1/2 weeks ago, I didn't know where to go...what to do....how to handle the sudden changes. Then I realized this was exactly where I needed to be. I had planned on changing my entire life, uprooting my house and home to move somewhere with a man I thought I wanted to spend my life with. I found out we weren't meant to be together BEFORE I sold my house...BEFORE I moved across the country...BEFORE I uprooted my entire life. This was meant to happen, because now I am still me...I am still in my house, in my fabulous job, where I'm meant to be. Had any of this happened after I changed my entire life, I would be stuck in a bad relationship in a city where I knew nobody...I'm so happy this all happened now. Because if I was able to fall in love and trust a man who wasn't right for me, then think of how beautiful it will be when I fall in love and trust the man who is right for me. I found this quote that suits me to a T right now...

Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.

This quote is so true...I thought I wanted to be with Lee for the rest of my life. And I fought to make things better when he wasn't fighting for me. And if I wanted so badly to be with him, so obviously the wrong person, I can't imagine what it will be like when I find the right man. My dad told me when it's real, true love, it isn't work...being with Lee was always work. I thought I could be myself around him, but in reality, I had to change who I was so I didn't make him angry. What kind of relationship is that? I guess it's true that love really is blind...as I said above, I'm so happy it ended now...b/c I honestly don't know what would've happened had I moved to Kansas City, MO for him. My whole life would be a huge mess...

So yes, I am looking at this whole situation positively. If I thought Lee was the person I was supposed to be with, I can only imagine what it will be like when I actually find the man I'm supposed to be with. I know I sound like I'm living in a fairy tale or hoping for something more, but I'm thinking positively. I hope there is something more out there for me...there has to be. Because I deserve a fabulous man who will treat me, my family, and my friends with respect, honor, integrity, honesty, and trust. For now, I will be me...I will just be me.

Thank you to my wonderful friends and family for their never-ending support through such a difficult time in my life. I'm keeping my head up and taking it one day at a time...b/c there's nothing else I can do for now :)

New year, new me....new beginnings.


Quote of the day ~ "If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree." ~Jim Rohn