Pondering Life

Sometimes I look at where I am in life and I wonder if I'd be here if I'd gotten married to any of the guys I previously dated, thought I wanted to marry, etc. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be and I've accomplished so much, but sometimes I wonder if/how different my life would be if I'd taken another path. Is there really that one guy out there for me? Am I too picky for my own good? I know I'm supposed to be patient...and I know I'm supposed to trust in God in that everything happens for a reason and that I'm where I should be. But it's difficult when I feel like the last man standing...I see my friends getting married...having babies. And I have 3 pugs...I feel like I'll end up being the crazy, old pug lady (but at least it's not cats, right?).

And I know feeling like this is crazy...I'm 28 for pete's sake...I've gotten my Bachelor's, I'm in the career I've always wanted to be in, I've gotten my Master's and am attempting to pursue a second Master's (don't ask me why). I'm in my own house that I purchased on my own...and yes, I have 3 pugs...my babies. It hasn't been easy with my baby boy Raf getting sick in January, and my brother rescuing Rayna (which meant I miraculously (and automatically) had 3, LOL)...but I've managed. Rafael is still alive...he is doing wonderful. We are getting the follow-up MRI next month, June 30th to be exact...the neurologist doesn't think it's the pug dog encephalitis (or the necratizing encephalitis). He thinks its GME, or the non-fatal encephalitis. Which would be fantastic news...except I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. In January, I was on the lowest of lows...I had no idea if and/or when Raf would pass away...then over the next 5 months (today marks the 5 month date), I was on the rise...he was alive...he was doing well....no more seizures. Nothing out of the ordinary...just my normal crazy baby Raf. Granted on a lot more medication than normal. So now I don't know if I should be happy or sad...if I should be up or down...b/c on one hand, the MRI could show Raf as having GME, which would be fantastic. But on the other hand, it could show he has PDE...which I guess wouldn't be any different b/c that's what we've operated under since January. So I have no idea what to think...

And yes, I know I totally have ADD and jumped from one topic to another...but this is what this is for, right? Blabbing and getting my thoughts out. I guess I don't really know what to think...I know this is all part of God's plan. I'm where I should be...but I'm terrified of being alone the rest of my life...I have my family, and I have my friends, and I have my pugs...I know I'm not alone...but I'm still terrified of ending up that way.


Quote of the day ~ "Life is simple, it's just not easy."