So I've come to the realization a lot of things happen that I have absolutely no idea why they happen...I focus too much on these things and over-think the whys of them all. It occurred to me earlier today that I have absolutely no control over any of these things. So with that being said, I shouldn't focus so much on why these things happen...I should focus on learning from them and becoming a stronger, better person. We all get to certain areas in our lives by the decisions we make...yes, God has our lives planned long before we are born, but we ultimately make the decisions that put us where we are in life. I used to pride myself on making the right decisions to put me where I am in life...yet, I continually find myself in difficult situations wondering how I got here. This, in the end, resulted from me making the wrong decisions in the wrong situations. But instead of kicking myself for making the wrong decisions, I've decided to focus on how I can learn from my mistakes and make the right decisions the next time. My biggest mistake, and not that it's a mistake, is that I trust too easily...I've been burned so many times b/c of this trust, yet I continue to trust people. This ultimately leads to people taking advantage of that trust. One of my friends told me today that I'm a nice person who believes the best in people...I politely told him that was a nice way of saying I'm naive. Sadly, I think he was right. I never thought I was naive, but looking back on certain situations, I realized I kind of am. I do believe the best in people...I believe people are ultimately good in nature. Yet the majority of the time, people are not good...I wouldn't have a job if that weren't the case. Yet I somehow manage to find the bad in most people I run across.
So the lesson learned from this whole experience is that I'll trust people but I won't put my full heart in it until I am certain the trust is there. But the second lesson I learned is that if you don't risk your heart and trust in love, then you'll live your life alone. Each experience I've lived through has taught me what I want in a relationship and a man, as well as what I don't want. So I've learned a lot...I've made a lot of decisions that haven't turned out to be the right ones. But they've led me to where I am in life...and I have an amazing life. There's no doubt about that.
So with that being said, I'll take my lessons learned from this experience and become a stronger woman. I'll stop over-analyzing every situation and I'll just live my life...I'll have fun and make the right decisions for me, not for anyone else. I'm ready to live life and put my best foot forward in every situation :) I'm ready to fall in love with life again! It's about time I do :)
Quote of the day ~ "You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough."
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
It's been awhile...
So the last time I posted was in September, which seems like a lifetime ago. I'll just start from there and catch up to today. I ended up straining my knee, so I was unable to run the last 26 mile training run. However, I did run the marathon on October 31st. It was amazing...my official time was 5:30:27. I wanted to run it in 5 hours, but I'm happy I was able to complete it...I was always told I wouldn't be able to b/c of my knee problems and my asthma. So I proved everyone wrong, including myself. I didn't know if I wanted to run another one, but now I'm itching for another one...I won't be able to run one this year, but I will next year....I plan on running another one and beating my previous time.
The interesting part of the marathon was that I got on a plane the next day for a 6 month deployment to Kuwait. I had two weeks notice I was going, although I volunteered to go. So before I knew it, I was in another country across the world. It was an amazing experience. I learned a lot about myself and my job and had a great time. I was in the office I worked for by myself for the first 3.5 months...at first, I was incredibly overwhelmed, but after a couple weeks, I realized I was able to do what I needed to do while getting everything done in a timely manner.
In January 2011, I came home on R&R b/c my lil Raf was doing very poorly. He had been in the emergency vet three times since Christmas and was progressively getting worse. When I got home, I knew he wasn't the same dog...he gave me lots of lovin' but he could hardly stand on his own, let alone walk or go up and down stairs. He was a fighter, and I knew he would've kept fighting...but it was his time. He deserved to be in a better place. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but I'm glad he's no longer in pain. We got the results back from his biopsy and he did have Pug Dog Encephalitis...it was labeled "very severe." So it was definitely progressively getting worse.
I was back in Kuwait in February and the rest of the time flew by. Before I knew it, I was in April and my tour was coming to an end. It was weird b/c I still felt like I'd just gotten there. But May 1st finally arrived and I was on a plane back home. So six months of my life was spent in Kuwait...but it was a great experience and a huge learning experience. So now I'm back to work and back in VA. And that catches me up :)
I'll tell you what though...getting back into the every day groove has been interesting. I had such a demanding schedule in Kuwait, but it was also ever-changing, so it was a go-with-the-flow type of thing. My schedule here is a little different...for the most part, I can plan everything out a few days in advance. But I still haven't found my groove yet...I suppose it will take a little time. I've only been home for 3 weeks, so I'll be patient and just go forward with each day. What else can I do, right? :)
But life is good....I've made some life-changing decisions and am in a much better place now than I was before I left. I know who I am and what I want in life...and most importantly, I know what I have to do to get it. So watch out b/c here I am :)
Quote of the day ~ "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
The interesting part of the marathon was that I got on a plane the next day for a 6 month deployment to Kuwait. I had two weeks notice I was going, although I volunteered to go. So before I knew it, I was in another country across the world. It was an amazing experience. I learned a lot about myself and my job and had a great time. I was in the office I worked for by myself for the first 3.5 months...at first, I was incredibly overwhelmed, but after a couple weeks, I realized I was able to do what I needed to do while getting everything done in a timely manner.
In January 2011, I came home on R&R b/c my lil Raf was doing very poorly. He had been in the emergency vet three times since Christmas and was progressively getting worse. When I got home, I knew he wasn't the same dog...he gave me lots of lovin' but he could hardly stand on his own, let alone walk or go up and down stairs. He was a fighter, and I knew he would've kept fighting...but it was his time. He deserved to be in a better place. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but I'm glad he's no longer in pain. We got the results back from his biopsy and he did have Pug Dog Encephalitis...it was labeled "very severe." So it was definitely progressively getting worse.
I was back in Kuwait in February and the rest of the time flew by. Before I knew it, I was in April and my tour was coming to an end. It was weird b/c I still felt like I'd just gotten there. But May 1st finally arrived and I was on a plane back home. So six months of my life was spent in Kuwait...but it was a great experience and a huge learning experience. So now I'm back to work and back in VA. And that catches me up :)
I'll tell you what though...getting back into the every day groove has been interesting. I had such a demanding schedule in Kuwait, but it was also ever-changing, so it was a go-with-the-flow type of thing. My schedule here is a little different...for the most part, I can plan everything out a few days in advance. But I still haven't found my groove yet...I suppose it will take a little time. I've only been home for 3 weeks, so I'll be patient and just go forward with each day. What else can I do, right? :)
But life is good....I've made some life-changing decisions and am in a much better place now than I was before I left. I know who I am and what I want in life...and most importantly, I know what I have to do to get it. So watch out b/c here I am :)
Quote of the day ~ "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
23 miles...done and done
So I finished all 23 miles...at an 11:30 per mile pace. Wow. That's really all I have to say. I can't believe my body carried me for 4 hours, 26 minutes, and 45 seconds over the full 23 miles (well, according to my Garmin, it was 23.18 miles or so, but who's counting??). I was in A LOT of pain (my poor legs didn't want to move forward), but I finished it all. I don't know if it was just a bad running day, or if my legs were telling me something I didn't want to hear, but I put one foot in front of the other and I finished the whole thing. God Bless my running group for keeping my spirits up and helping me finish strong, because without them, I seriously don't think I would have finished. It was sheer willpower and the great teamwork of my group that kept me moving forward. I'm hoping the 26 miles isn't that bad...I've been having a pain in the bottom of my left foot (right in the ball of my foot), so I've been experimenting with insoles for my shoes hoping to make it go away. I got some gel insoles the other day and I had no pain during my hour long run today. I think the true test will be on Friday for my 10 mile run.
So anyways - back to the 23. I got home and immediately climbed into an ice bath. I was freezing, but I think it helped way more than regular icing. I then used my foam roller to pretty much roll every muscle in my legs. I was having a severe pain in my left hip...I'm not sure what it was from b/c I didn't do anything to it during the run, but I was limping from the pain. So I rolled the crap outta of it and lo and behold, I felt MUCH better the next day. The human body does strange things, huh? I guess I should expect it considering I am running a marathon, LOL. Talk about doing strange things to one's body, LOL.
Anyways - I have two short run weeks, then the 26 miles, then three short run weeks, then the marathon. Holy cow...it's coming up quicker than I thought it would!!! And I'm actually doing it!!! SCARY :P Keep my crazy self in your thoughts and prayers and hope it carries me through...along with my poor legs :)
Quote of the day ~ "I don't necessarily agree with everything I say."
So anyways - back to the 23. I got home and immediately climbed into an ice bath. I was freezing, but I think it helped way more than regular icing. I then used my foam roller to pretty much roll every muscle in my legs. I was having a severe pain in my left hip...I'm not sure what it was from b/c I didn't do anything to it during the run, but I was limping from the pain. So I rolled the crap outta of it and lo and behold, I felt MUCH better the next day. The human body does strange things, huh? I guess I should expect it considering I am running a marathon, LOL. Talk about doing strange things to one's body, LOL.
Anyways - I have two short run weeks, then the 26 miles, then three short run weeks, then the marathon. Holy cow...it's coming up quicker than I thought it would!!! And I'm actually doing it!!! SCARY :P Keep my crazy self in your thoughts and prayers and hope it carries me through...along with my poor legs :)
Quote of the day ~ "I don't necessarily agree with everything I say."
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
20 miles...I did it!!!
So I ran the 20 miles...all of it :) It took us 4:03:52 to finish...it was humid, but overcast, and breathing was rough, but I did it all! We run 3 minutes, walk 1 minute, and I got through the entire run thinking, "All you have to do is run 3 minutes, then you can walk 1." There were really hard 3 minute segments and there were really easy ones...but I did it! I was congested, spitting up phlegm (gross, I know), and my nose was a runny mess, but I dragged my sorry butt out there and did it! I didn't want to end up running on my own or missing one of our last long runs...so there ya have it :) If I can run 20 miles with a nasty head/chest cold and congestion, then I can totally do the full marathon healthy :) Woo hoo!! Now two short weeks and then our 23 mile run :) I'm getting closer and closer to the finish line! And I can't wait!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
20 miles...it's go time...
So this Saturday is our 20 mile run...I'm kinda scared of how I'm going to feel during it, b/c I really haven't been running the past two weeks. I took the first week off b/c I was having major knee pain, so I rested and iced and didn't run at all from Saturday to Saturday. I ended up running that Saturday, but it was a 6-mile run. I felt great...then along comes Monday and I was sick as a dog, and I didn't run at all for the entire week b/c I couldn't breath and my head hurt, etc., etc. Being sick is NO fun...then I ran the Run Amuck on Saturday with my wifey, but it was a 3.5 mile run and full of obstacles. So I have to get back into my runs this week...at least 2 one-hour runs, then Saturday is our 20 miles. I'm actually really scared of how I'm going to react...of whether I'll be able to hold my own and last the full mileage. I felt great the two Saturday runs, but short runs are definitely way different than the long runs. Thank goodness for group runs and people who will keep me motivated and moving forward through the run. So we'll see how I fare on Saturday...
On another note, I can't believe we're already half-way through August. I honestly have no idea where the time has gone...this pretty much means there's 2 1/2 months until the marathon. We have three long runs left, I have a 1/2 marathon and the Army Ten Miler, then it's time for the marathon. That's kinda like whoa...who would've thought it'd be here so quickly?? Wasn't it just May? If I can make it through the last 3 long training runs, then I should be golden for the marathon :) I have plenty of support from my family and friends, and I have a great running partner...his wife and friends will be meeting us at certain points during the race to provide water and food and anything else we may need. The next thing I think I need, though, is new shoes...I love the running shoes I have, but only for short distances. For the 17 mile run, my feet were KILLING me...I need better shoes for those long distances!! That's for sure...but I won't get them this week...it'd be silly to get them for my first long run now, LOL.
Anyways - I'm off to bed...tomorrow starts another long week. Yay for Mondays :) Everyone enjoy it!
Quote of the day ~ "Don't go through life, GROW through life."
On another note, I can't believe we're already half-way through August. I honestly have no idea where the time has gone...this pretty much means there's 2 1/2 months until the marathon. We have three long runs left, I have a 1/2 marathon and the Army Ten Miler, then it's time for the marathon. That's kinda like whoa...who would've thought it'd be here so quickly?? Wasn't it just May? If I can make it through the last 3 long training runs, then I should be golden for the marathon :) I have plenty of support from my family and friends, and I have a great running partner...his wife and friends will be meeting us at certain points during the race to provide water and food and anything else we may need. The next thing I think I need, though, is new shoes...I love the running shoes I have, but only for short distances. For the 17 mile run, my feet were KILLING me...I need better shoes for those long distances!! That's for sure...but I won't get them this week...it'd be silly to get them for my first long run now, LOL.
Anyways - I'm off to bed...tomorrow starts another long week. Yay for Mondays :) Everyone enjoy it!
Quote of the day ~ "Don't go through life, GROW through life."
Thursday, July 29, 2010
17 miles...oh my!
So 17 miles...yup...I ran it...this morning. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it was 17 miles, LOL. It wasn't as hot as it has been, but it definitely was still humid. I was dripping with sweat within the first mile. It didn't help I found every spider web on the trail...I spent that first mile getting the webs off my arms, my face, my legs, and my hat. It was DISGUSTING. I felt so creepy crawly until finally we were through the worst part of the trail and I was sweaty, so it didn't matter anymore, LOL. Gross, but true :P
Overall, it was a great run. I was properly hydrated (yay!!!), I had plenty to eat before, during and after the run, and I used body glide so I didn't chafe! Woo hoo :) My legs are sore, and I've been hungry all day, but that's kinda what happens when you run 17 miles, right? But I'm getting more confident in that I can complete the long runs with strength and stamina. We have two weeks of short runs (one is a fun run with my wifey, yay!), then our 20 mile run. Not only are we on double digits, but it's in the 20s! Oh boy. I hope I don't get overwhelmed by the number, but it's only 3 miles more than today :) I can do it! Yay!!
Here's to getting ready for the marathon...conquering all my fears and realizing I can overcome my athletic-induced asthma and my knee problems. I feel amazing that I'm able to do this :) My body has carried me this far...only 9 miles more til I hit the full marathon :) :) :)
Quote of the day ~ Everything happens for a reason!
Overall, it was a great run. I was properly hydrated (yay!!!), I had plenty to eat before, during and after the run, and I used body glide so I didn't chafe! Woo hoo :) My legs are sore, and I've been hungry all day, but that's kinda what happens when you run 17 miles, right? But I'm getting more confident in that I can complete the long runs with strength and stamina. We have two weeks of short runs (one is a fun run with my wifey, yay!), then our 20 mile run. Not only are we on double digits, but it's in the 20s! Oh boy. I hope I don't get overwhelmed by the number, but it's only 3 miles more than today :) I can do it! Yay!!
Here's to getting ready for the marathon...conquering all my fears and realizing I can overcome my athletic-induced asthma and my knee problems. I feel amazing that I'm able to do this :) My body has carried me this far...only 9 miles more til I hit the full marathon :) :) :)
Quote of the day ~ Everything happens for a reason!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Half Marathon
So 11 weeks into training and yesterday was our half-marathon distance...13 miles. I knew it was going to be rough only b/c I went to Hershey Park on Thursday. I (silly me) didn't drink enough water throughout the day and was sweating like crazy...well, lo and behold, I got really nauseous and totally out of it. Yup, I got dehydrated (me, the water drinker...the "I have to pee" girl). So I spent Thursday night and Friday all day drinking as much water and electrolyte drinks as I could possibly stand, but I still knew my muscles would be sore come Saturday morning's run.
So along comes Saturday morning...the run starts at 6 a.m., which of course, means I have to wake up even earlier to take care of the mutts. And I see it's raining, or has been, so I check my email over and over to see if the run was canceled...b/c for the life of me, all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed. But alas, the run wasn't canceled, so I dragged my sorry butt to Arlington to run 13 miles...as soon as I parked in the lot, the sky opened. The rain was coming down so hard, it was a joke...the second I stepped out of my car, I was soaked. I knew it was going to be a pleasant run (note the sarcasm). I was surprised at how many people were actually there...we definitely are die-hard runners. So, of course, I sit in my car until the last minute hoping the rain would let up even the slightest bit. So I didn't stretch at all (mistake number 1). We get into our groups and start out a little after 6...there are 6 people in our group, much less than normal, and most of us are still dead tired and now soaking wet. So needless to say, we're all a little quiet as we start out. The plan was to run out 3 miles, then back 3 miles to the "halfway" point where there was a bathroom and an "aid" station with water, gatorade, and little treats. Let's just say I thought I was going to die the first 6 miles...my legs hurt, the rain was miserable, and the hills were killing me.
On to the first break...thank GOD for the first break. I had some water and a couple little treats, which really saved me...I also stretched my legs, which totally saved me! I don't think I could have finished without the stretching. We then ran out 3.5 miles the other way and 3.5 back. That 7 miles was MUCH quicker than the first 6. I was more lively, felt better, and actually WANTED to be running. It certainly is mind over matter when it comes to running long distances...not every run is going to be fun, nor are you going to want to run every long run. But you psych yourself out and you get it done...b/c after finishing the 13 miles, I realized I had no idea how I got there. I truly have no idea how I pushed my body to run the 13 miles. I was sore when it was over, but I stretched and iced, and I feel MUCH better today. Thank god for a group to run with, b/c there's a large possibility I wouldn't have made it through without them.
So next Saturday is 15 miles...I'm hoping it isn't raining and I'm hoping I stay fairly well hydrated throughout the week. This week will be a combination of staying hydrated, stretching, icing, and making sure I can get through this long run without being a total grouch, LOL. 15 miles will be the longest I've ever run, so it will be a true test for me...one more step to the full 26.2 :)
So here it is Sunday after a long run...and I feel great. I slept in for the first time in ages, and my legs aren't sore...it's great :) Let's hope I can keep it up over the next few weeks of training. 26.2 miles is a long way...but I'm moving in the right direction to being able to finish strongly :) October 31st...wooo buddy...it'll be here in a blink of an eye!
Quote of the day ~ "When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice." (This is so true!! Hahahaha)
So along comes Saturday morning...the run starts at 6 a.m., which of course, means I have to wake up even earlier to take care of the mutts. And I see it's raining, or has been, so I check my email over and over to see if the run was canceled...b/c for the life of me, all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed. But alas, the run wasn't canceled, so I dragged my sorry butt to Arlington to run 13 miles...as soon as I parked in the lot, the sky opened. The rain was coming down so hard, it was a joke...the second I stepped out of my car, I was soaked. I knew it was going to be a pleasant run (note the sarcasm). I was surprised at how many people were actually there...we definitely are die-hard runners. So, of course, I sit in my car until the last minute hoping the rain would let up even the slightest bit. So I didn't stretch at all (mistake number 1). We get into our groups and start out a little after 6...there are 6 people in our group, much less than normal, and most of us are still dead tired and now soaking wet. So needless to say, we're all a little quiet as we start out. The plan was to run out 3 miles, then back 3 miles to the "halfway" point where there was a bathroom and an "aid" station with water, gatorade, and little treats. Let's just say I thought I was going to die the first 6 miles...my legs hurt, the rain was miserable, and the hills were killing me.
On to the first break...thank GOD for the first break. I had some water and a couple little treats, which really saved me...I also stretched my legs, which totally saved me! I don't think I could have finished without the stretching. We then ran out 3.5 miles the other way and 3.5 back. That 7 miles was MUCH quicker than the first 6. I was more lively, felt better, and actually WANTED to be running. It certainly is mind over matter when it comes to running long distances...not every run is going to be fun, nor are you going to want to run every long run. But you psych yourself out and you get it done...b/c after finishing the 13 miles, I realized I had no idea how I got there. I truly have no idea how I pushed my body to run the 13 miles. I was sore when it was over, but I stretched and iced, and I feel MUCH better today. Thank god for a group to run with, b/c there's a large possibility I wouldn't have made it through without them.
So next Saturday is 15 miles...I'm hoping it isn't raining and I'm hoping I stay fairly well hydrated throughout the week. This week will be a combination of staying hydrated, stretching, icing, and making sure I can get through this long run without being a total grouch, LOL. 15 miles will be the longest I've ever run, so it will be a true test for me...one more step to the full 26.2 :)
So here it is Sunday after a long run...and I feel great. I slept in for the first time in ages, and my legs aren't sore...it's great :) Let's hope I can keep it up over the next few weeks of training. 26.2 miles is a long way...but I'm moving in the right direction to being able to finish strongly :) October 31st...wooo buddy...it'll be here in a blink of an eye!
Quote of the day ~ "When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice." (This is so true!! Hahahaha)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
7 weeks in...
So I've been training for the marathon for 7 weeks, and so far, the longest distance we've gone is 11 miles. We did the 11 yesterday, which was rough...I didn't sleep well this past week and I don't think I had enough water, so it was a difficult run. I was able to finish with my group, but I was hurting all day yesterday. My muscles were okay, but boy was I NOT feeling good. What's funny is the morning was cool and breezy with no humidity. We did 10 miles two weeks earlier in nasty humidity and I felt amazing...just goes to show you how different each run is. We're doing 4 miles the next couple weeks (speed work and due to the 4th of July holiday), but then we do 13 and 15. I'm hoping I plan/prepare better for those runs b/c bad runs are definitely no fun. So far, I'm really enjoying the group I'm running with. We always have tons to talk about and it helps make the run easier (yeah, I know...running that far is not really easy, but you know what I mean). It also makes the run go by faster, which is nice :)
On another note...I'm in such a different place in my life than I was last year, and I am so incredibly happy :) I've stopped worrying about things I can't control, and I've learned to just go with the flow. I can't control everything (although I like to try), so I've let go...I'm living one day at a time and enjoying every minute of it :) It's actually very freeing...I've stopped analyzing (or over-analyzing in my case) every little thing b/c it's not needed. Not everything has a hidden meaning and not everything needs to be looked into again and again. I know I'm exactly where I need to be in my life...I'm trusting God to lead me in the right direction :)
It's nice to be happy for a change :) And worry-free. It's definitely different, LOL. 2010 has turned out to be an amazing year...and we're already half-way through it! I can't wait to see what the rest of 2010 has in store for me :) :) :)
Quote of the day ~ "You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing."
On another note...I'm in such a different place in my life than I was last year, and I am so incredibly happy :) I've stopped worrying about things I can't control, and I've learned to just go with the flow. I can't control everything (although I like to try), so I've let go...I'm living one day at a time and enjoying every minute of it :) It's actually very freeing...I've stopped analyzing (or over-analyzing in my case) every little thing b/c it's not needed. Not everything has a hidden meaning and not everything needs to be looked into again and again. I know I'm exactly where I need to be in my life...I'm trusting God to lead me in the right direction :)
It's nice to be happy for a change :) And worry-free. It's definitely different, LOL. 2010 has turned out to be an amazing year...and we're already half-way through it! I can't wait to see what the rest of 2010 has in store for me :) :) :)
Quote of the day ~ "You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing."
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Pondering Life
Sometimes I look at where I am in life and I wonder if I'd be here if I'd gotten married to any of the guys I previously dated, thought I wanted to marry, etc. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be and I've accomplished so much, but sometimes I wonder if/how different my life would be if I'd taken another path. Is there really that one guy out there for me? Am I too picky for my own good? I know I'm supposed to be patient...and I know I'm supposed to trust in God in that everything happens for a reason and that I'm where I should be. But it's difficult when I feel like the last man standing...I see my friends getting married...having babies. And I have 3 pugs...I feel like I'll end up being the crazy, old pug lady (but at least it's not cats, right?).
And I know feeling like this is crazy...I'm 28 for pete's sake...I've gotten my Bachelor's, I'm in the career I've always wanted to be in, I've gotten my Master's and am attempting to pursue a second Master's (don't ask me why). I'm in my own house that I purchased on my own...and yes, I have 3 pugs...my babies. It hasn't been easy with my baby boy Raf getting sick in January, and my brother rescuing Rayna (which meant I miraculously (and automatically) had 3, LOL)...but I've managed. Rafael is still alive...he is doing wonderful. We are getting the follow-up MRI next month, June 30th to be exact...the neurologist doesn't think it's the pug dog encephalitis (or the necratizing encephalitis). He thinks its GME, or the non-fatal encephalitis. Which would be fantastic news...except I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. In January, I was on the lowest of lows...I had no idea if and/or when Raf would pass away...then over the next 5 months (today marks the 5 month date), I was on the rise...he was alive...he was doing well....no more seizures. Nothing out of the ordinary...just my normal crazy baby Raf. Granted on a lot more medication than normal. So now I don't know if I should be happy or sad...if I should be up or down...b/c on one hand, the MRI could show Raf as having GME, which would be fantastic. But on the other hand, it could show he has PDE...which I guess wouldn't be any different b/c that's what we've operated under since January. So I have no idea what to think...
And yes, I know I totally have ADD and jumped from one topic to another...but this is what this is for, right? Blabbing and getting my thoughts out. I guess I don't really know what to think...I know this is all part of God's plan. I'm where I should be...but I'm terrified of being alone the rest of my life...I have my family, and I have my friends, and I have my pugs...I know I'm not alone...but I'm still terrified of ending up that way.
Quote of the day ~ "Life is simple, it's just not easy."
And I know feeling like this is crazy...I'm 28 for pete's sake...I've gotten my Bachelor's, I'm in the career I've always wanted to be in, I've gotten my Master's and am attempting to pursue a second Master's (don't ask me why). I'm in my own house that I purchased on my own...and yes, I have 3 pugs...my babies. It hasn't been easy with my baby boy Raf getting sick in January, and my brother rescuing Rayna (which meant I miraculously (and automatically) had 3, LOL)...but I've managed. Rafael is still alive...he is doing wonderful. We are getting the follow-up MRI next month, June 30th to be exact...the neurologist doesn't think it's the pug dog encephalitis (or the necratizing encephalitis). He thinks its GME, or the non-fatal encephalitis. Which would be fantastic news...except I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. In January, I was on the lowest of lows...I had no idea if and/or when Raf would pass away...then over the next 5 months (today marks the 5 month date), I was on the rise...he was alive...he was doing well....no more seizures. Nothing out of the ordinary...just my normal crazy baby Raf. Granted on a lot more medication than normal. So now I don't know if I should be happy or sad...if I should be up or down...b/c on one hand, the MRI could show Raf as having GME, which would be fantastic. But on the other hand, it could show he has PDE...which I guess wouldn't be any different b/c that's what we've operated under since January. So I have no idea what to think...
And yes, I know I totally have ADD and jumped from one topic to another...but this is what this is for, right? Blabbing and getting my thoughts out. I guess I don't really know what to think...I know this is all part of God's plan. I'm where I should be...but I'm terrified of being alone the rest of my life...I have my family, and I have my friends, and I have my pugs...I know I'm not alone...but I'm still terrified of ending up that way.
Quote of the day ~ "Life is simple, it's just not easy."
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Holy Running, Batman!
So for the rest of 2010, I am signed up for 4 races...a "fun" run called the "Run Amuck" in August, the Rock 'N Roll Half Marathon in September, and the Army 10 Miler and the Marine Corps Marathon in October...yes, I signed up for my first marathon. And I've been training since May 1st. Yesterday was our 5 mile run...next Saturday will be 6 miles. Sadly, these are my longest runs I've done in awhile. I truly dislike being injured (two knee problems which sidelined me last fall)...so I'm taking it easy, doing the run/walk method, which I actually really like. I feel great during the runs, as well as after. And I've been MUCH better about stretching and icing my knee after my runs. I.e., actually taking care of myself better :P Shocking, I know. The best part about these runs is that 3 of them are with my beautiful wifey :) So we're going to have a blast training and running these races together. Plus I get to see my beautiful babies too :P
On another note, I can't believe we're halfway through 2010 already. Where does the time go? I feel like we just welcomed 2010, but so far, I've learned so much about myself this year. And I've learned how to trust myself and my feelings. I've stopped second guessing myself and put myself first for a change. I've found I'm not staying with anyone (guy-wise) who I don't really want to stay with. I'm making sure I get what I want without hurting myself or anyone else in the process (or at least trying not to, LOL). It's been an interesting year, but I'm having a blast :)
So here's to training for and running all my races, particularly my first marathon :) I've inspired a sorority sister and a co-worker to run with me, so I think we'll totally have a blast :) October 31st will be here before I know it!!
Quote of the day ~ "The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back." (Priceless, LOL)
On another note, I can't believe we're halfway through 2010 already. Where does the time go? I feel like we just welcomed 2010, but so far, I've learned so much about myself this year. And I've learned how to trust myself and my feelings. I've stopped second guessing myself and put myself first for a change. I've found I'm not staying with anyone (guy-wise) who I don't really want to stay with. I'm making sure I get what I want without hurting myself or anyone else in the process (or at least trying not to, LOL). It's been an interesting year, but I'm having a blast :)
So here's to training for and running all my races, particularly my first marathon :) I've inspired a sorority sister and a co-worker to run with me, so I think we'll totally have a blast :) October 31st will be here before I know it!!
Quote of the day ~ "The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back." (Priceless, LOL)
Saturday, March 27, 2010
New Running Goal
So for a long time now, I've wanted to train for and run a marathon. Last year, I came to the conclusion that I probably would never be able to run one. Mind you, I am a runner...a full blown runner. I hate taking walk breaks during my long runs (or any run for that matter) b/c I feel like a quitter or a slacker. However, this method has not always worked for me. I hurt the majority of the time, whether it's my right knee, my shins, or my right ankle (it seems I can't win) both during the runs and afterwards. In fact, I sometimes don't even want to go on my runs from being too sore. So this morning my mom and I attended a free training seminar hosted by none other than Jeff Galloway...he is a famous runner who created the run-walk method of training and running races. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical at first b/c as I previously mentioned, I believed (for myself) that walking was a sign of weakness.
So we go into an Irish pub this morning where the seminar was, and I sit with my mom who is really into it. And wouldn't you know, I was enthralled. It made me excited again about training for and running a marathon. More importantly, it made me excited for a training method in which I wouldn't be completely sore during and after. I've heard of this training method and I know people who have done it. Who knows why I haven't tried it before? Maybe I'm hard headed, but I never believed in it until today. Walking doesn't mean I'm weaker or that it will slow my time down, it simply means I know I have a huge wall I hit in my long runs. I've been so sore after my hour long runs that I can't even run my normal pace during them. My legs hurt and my asthma has been acting up, which I think is coming from an underlying problem (another long story, ugh), but I'm happy to have a running method that will hopefully allow me to train pain and injury free from now on.
I'll keep you posted about my progress...I think I'm signing up for the program, which starts May 1st and lasts 30 weeks. We meet every Saturday morning for our long runs, and we're responsible for our mid-week runs. This will put me into running the Marine Corps Marathon in October. I firmly believe signing up for the program and then registering for the marathon will push me farther than I've ever been pushed. I think I need it this year...I've had a rough past few months as the end of 2009 was not entirely pleasant for me. This will help pull me out of my home body shell and surround me with other people at least once each week. It will also give me something to focus on other than how much pain I'm in from forcing myself to finish my long runs.
So we shall see :-) I'm actually excited to see how I do with this next challenge in my life.
Quote of the day ~ "Life’s battles don't always go to the strongest or fastest man,
But sooner or later the man who wins is the fellow who thinks he can."
So we go into an Irish pub this morning where the seminar was, and I sit with my mom who is really into it. And wouldn't you know, I was enthralled. It made me excited again about training for and running a marathon. More importantly, it made me excited for a training method in which I wouldn't be completely sore during and after. I've heard of this training method and I know people who have done it. Who knows why I haven't tried it before? Maybe I'm hard headed, but I never believed in it until today. Walking doesn't mean I'm weaker or that it will slow my time down, it simply means I know I have a huge wall I hit in my long runs. I've been so sore after my hour long runs that I can't even run my normal pace during them. My legs hurt and my asthma has been acting up, which I think is coming from an underlying problem (another long story, ugh), but I'm happy to have a running method that will hopefully allow me to train pain and injury free from now on.
I'll keep you posted about my progress...I think I'm signing up for the program, which starts May 1st and lasts 30 weeks. We meet every Saturday morning for our long runs, and we're responsible for our mid-week runs. This will put me into running the Marine Corps Marathon in October. I firmly believe signing up for the program and then registering for the marathon will push me farther than I've ever been pushed. I think I need it this year...I've had a rough past few months as the end of 2009 was not entirely pleasant for me. This will help pull me out of my home body shell and surround me with other people at least once each week. It will also give me something to focus on other than how much pain I'm in from forcing myself to finish my long runs.
So we shall see :-) I'm actually excited to see how I do with this next challenge in my life.
Quote of the day ~ "Life’s battles don't always go to the strongest or fastest man,
But sooner or later the man who wins is the fellow who thinks he can."
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Weekend in TN
So I've spent this long weekend in TN with the wifey and my two babies :) I needed the break from work and home and dealing with my every day life. I love coming here and seeing my babies...it shows me a life I've only dreamed about. Having two little ones who can't really tell you what they want, one potty training, and one still in diapers. It's a lot of work, and sometimes a little frustrating, but it is so rewarding. To watch them grow and learn every day is so exciting...Brady has grown so much since the last time I saw him in November. He's saying so many new words and can understand so much. And best of all, he's doing so well potty training. I've been a part of his life since he was a little peanut inside his mommy's tummy, so it's exciting to see how he's growing and changing over the years. The only thing I don't like is how far away I live from them...but we've more than made up for it this past year b/c I think I've seen them more than I saw them in 2008...it makes it easier since we're both on the same coast :) I can't believe I'm already leaving tomorrow...it feels like all our visits fly by. But it's nice to have my wifey to talk to...and I know it's nice for her and George to have a night away from the kids. Today is their 3rd anniversary, so they went into Nashville last night to celebrate. I'm glad I can come for a visit and provide them a little break away. I know it's not a long break, but it gives them some time to go on a date and be a couple :)
I can only hope one day I'll have a happy marriage and two beautiful children to come home to. But for now, I am happy...or trying to be happy...with my life. The past month and a half has been very difficult, but I’m attempting to move on. I’m accepting my feelings of anger, hurt, resentment, and bitterness. And I’m telling myself every day that I did nothing wrong...that what happened wasn’t my fault. Don’t get me wrong...I know my part in why our relationship ended, but I didn’t make the decision for him to cheat on me...he made that decision. And that decision was not my fault. However, there are so many things I learned from our relationship. Things I learned about myself, as well as myself as a part of a couple. I’m happy to have been in this relationship, so I was able to learn and grow so that my next relationship will be that much better. It’s not easy b/c Lee is still living with me...yes, he’s staying in another room, but he’s lived with me since we broke up. Next weekend he’s packing up his stuff and moving (finally) to Kansas City. I think I’ll be able to heal and move on much faster once we no longer live together. Goodness knows it hasn’t been easy b/c I do still love him...I thought I wanted to spend my life with him, and here we are, parting ways. And I’m certainly not ready to start dating…I want to learn more about myself and become a better person individually before I venture into the dating world again.
So here’s to throwing myself back into the things I love most...running, being with my friends and family, traveling, reading, taking some me time. I know I’ll have to accept my feelings and actually let myself feel them...I have to know that it’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to feel sad. And while I know I’m angry, I also know I can’t be destructive or take it out on anyone. I have to feel the anger, but also let it go. So here’s to being strong, being patient, and trusting in myself to grow stronger each day. It may not be better in the near future, but at least I know it will eventually be better.
Sadly, it took coming to my wifey’s house in TN to have all these revelations. They’re all things I knew, but didn’t really want to accept, if that makes any sense. So here’s to one day at a time...…allowing myself to feel my emotions instead of bottling them up...and realizing that things will eventually be far better than they are now. I know that this relationship was a great learning experience and a catalyst for my next exciting, new relationship.
So let’s see what the future holds…one day at a time :-)
Quote of the day ~ "Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."
-- Lewis B. Smedes
I can only hope one day I'll have a happy marriage and two beautiful children to come home to. But for now, I am happy...or trying to be happy...with my life. The past month and a half has been very difficult, but I’m attempting to move on. I’m accepting my feelings of anger, hurt, resentment, and bitterness. And I’m telling myself every day that I did nothing wrong...that what happened wasn’t my fault. Don’t get me wrong...I know my part in why our relationship ended, but I didn’t make the decision for him to cheat on me...he made that decision. And that decision was not my fault. However, there are so many things I learned from our relationship. Things I learned about myself, as well as myself as a part of a couple. I’m happy to have been in this relationship, so I was able to learn and grow so that my next relationship will be that much better. It’s not easy b/c Lee is still living with me...yes, he’s staying in another room, but he’s lived with me since we broke up. Next weekend he’s packing up his stuff and moving (finally) to Kansas City. I think I’ll be able to heal and move on much faster once we no longer live together. Goodness knows it hasn’t been easy b/c I do still love him...I thought I wanted to spend my life with him, and here we are, parting ways. And I’m certainly not ready to start dating…I want to learn more about myself and become a better person individually before I venture into the dating world again.
So here’s to throwing myself back into the things I love most...running, being with my friends and family, traveling, reading, taking some me time. I know I’ll have to accept my feelings and actually let myself feel them...I have to know that it’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to feel sad. And while I know I’m angry, I also know I can’t be destructive or take it out on anyone. I have to feel the anger, but also let it go. So here’s to being strong, being patient, and trusting in myself to grow stronger each day. It may not be better in the near future, but at least I know it will eventually be better.
Sadly, it took coming to my wifey’s house in TN to have all these revelations. They’re all things I knew, but didn’t really want to accept, if that makes any sense. So here’s to one day at a time...…allowing myself to feel my emotions instead of bottling them up...and realizing that things will eventually be far better than they are now. I know that this relationship was a great learning experience and a catalyst for my next exciting, new relationship.
So let’s see what the future holds…one day at a time :-)
Quote of the day ~ "Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."
-- Lewis B. Smedes
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas 2009
So for as much as I expected this Christmas to be really difficult and not so great, it turned into a FABULOUS Christmas. I really didn't ask anyone for anything, b/c Christmas kind of snuck up on me...it didn't feel like Christmas was here, then when everything hit the proverbial fan, time started flying by even faster. Mom and I didn't even feel like it was Christmas Eve on Christmas Eve. We had all the decorations up, all the presents wrapped, everything to make Christmas dinner, but it didn't feel like Christmas at all. But Christmas morning was amazing. We had such a great time with mom, my brother Jeremy and his girlfriend Autumn, and our five dogs, Riley, Moka, Sammie, Rafael, and Ginger. It was a hoot with the dogs running around like crazy, but we had so much fun :) And I totally got everything I wanted, and then some. I only asked for two things, but I got so much more than that! It seems my friends and family know me far better than I thought :)
I got the new Flip video camera from my dad and his wife, and it was awesome. I took so many hilarious videos of the dogs and our Christmas experiences. Mom and I were watching them earlier, and we were laughing so hard tears were running down our faces. It's such a little camera, but the picture is really nice and clear. I can record up to 2 hours of video on it! It's not good for far away shots, but it sure is nice for taking videos of the dogs...I can't wait to harass Riley and take videos of it :P He LOVES being touched and all!
I hope everyone else had an amazing holiday. It certainly is all about family and friends during this time of year. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you...surround yourself with people who treat you well. Because in the end, you'll find out who really loves and respects you...and life is too short to be with people who treat you poorly. We all deserve the best...so with that said, I hope you had an amazing Christmas, and have a wonderful 2010!!
Quote of the day ~ "Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it." - Woody Allen
I got the new Flip video camera from my dad and his wife, and it was awesome. I took so many hilarious videos of the dogs and our Christmas experiences. Mom and I were watching them earlier, and we were laughing so hard tears were running down our faces. It's such a little camera, but the picture is really nice and clear. I can record up to 2 hours of video on it! It's not good for far away shots, but it sure is nice for taking videos of the dogs...I can't wait to harass Riley and take videos of it :P He LOVES being touched and all!
I hope everyone else had an amazing holiday. It certainly is all about family and friends during this time of year. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you...surround yourself with people who treat you well. Because in the end, you'll find out who really loves and respects you...and life is too short to be with people who treat you poorly. We all deserve the best...so with that said, I hope you had an amazing Christmas, and have a wonderful 2010!!
Quote of the day ~ "Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it." - Woody Allen
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Back with a new blog spot...
I deleted my last blog, because I didn't like the negativity...I've decided with 2010, I will be making some changes in my life. I have been through so many trials and tribulations over the past year...not all of them have been the best, but they've made me who I am now...who I will be in 2010. So here's to a new positive spin on my life...here's to a fabulous 2010!
When my life suddenly and drastically changed 2 1/2 weeks ago, I didn't know where to go...what to do....how to handle the sudden changes. Then I realized this was exactly where I needed to be. I had planned on changing my entire life, uprooting my house and home to move somewhere with a man I thought I wanted to spend my life with. I found out we weren't meant to be together BEFORE I sold my house...BEFORE I moved across the country...BEFORE I uprooted my entire life. This was meant to happen, because now I am still me...I am still in my house, in my fabulous job, where I'm meant to be. Had any of this happened after I changed my entire life, I would be stuck in a bad relationship in a city where I knew nobody...I'm so happy this all happened now. Because if I was able to fall in love and trust a man who wasn't right for me, then think of how beautiful it will be when I fall in love and trust the man who is right for me. I found this quote that suits me to a T right now...
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.
This quote is so true...I thought I wanted to be with Lee for the rest of my life. And I fought to make things better when he wasn't fighting for me. And if I wanted so badly to be with him, so obviously the wrong person, I can't imagine what it will be like when I find the right man. My dad told me when it's real, true love, it isn't work...being with Lee was always work. I thought I could be myself around him, but in reality, I had to change who I was so I didn't make him angry. What kind of relationship is that? I guess it's true that love really is blind...as I said above, I'm so happy it ended now...b/c I honestly don't know what would've happened had I moved to Kansas City, MO for him. My whole life would be a huge mess...
So yes, I am looking at this whole situation positively. If I thought Lee was the person I was supposed to be with, I can only imagine what it will be like when I actually find the man I'm supposed to be with. I know I sound like I'm living in a fairy tale or hoping for something more, but I'm thinking positively. I hope there is something more out there for me...there has to be. Because I deserve a fabulous man who will treat me, my family, and my friends with respect, honor, integrity, honesty, and trust. For now, I will be me...I will just be me.
Thank you to my wonderful friends and family for their never-ending support through such a difficult time in my life. I'm keeping my head up and taking it one day at a time...b/c there's nothing else I can do for now :)
New year, new me....new beginnings.
Quote of the day ~ "If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree." ~Jim Rohn
When my life suddenly and drastically changed 2 1/2 weeks ago, I didn't know where to go...what to do....how to handle the sudden changes. Then I realized this was exactly where I needed to be. I had planned on changing my entire life, uprooting my house and home to move somewhere with a man I thought I wanted to spend my life with. I found out we weren't meant to be together BEFORE I sold my house...BEFORE I moved across the country...BEFORE I uprooted my entire life. This was meant to happen, because now I am still me...I am still in my house, in my fabulous job, where I'm meant to be. Had any of this happened after I changed my entire life, I would be stuck in a bad relationship in a city where I knew nobody...I'm so happy this all happened now. Because if I was able to fall in love and trust a man who wasn't right for me, then think of how beautiful it will be when I fall in love and trust the man who is right for me. I found this quote that suits me to a T right now...
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.
This quote is so true...I thought I wanted to be with Lee for the rest of my life. And I fought to make things better when he wasn't fighting for me. And if I wanted so badly to be with him, so obviously the wrong person, I can't imagine what it will be like when I find the right man. My dad told me when it's real, true love, it isn't work...being with Lee was always work. I thought I could be myself around him, but in reality, I had to change who I was so I didn't make him angry. What kind of relationship is that? I guess it's true that love really is blind...as I said above, I'm so happy it ended now...b/c I honestly don't know what would've happened had I moved to Kansas City, MO for him. My whole life would be a huge mess...
So yes, I am looking at this whole situation positively. If I thought Lee was the person I was supposed to be with, I can only imagine what it will be like when I actually find the man I'm supposed to be with. I know I sound like I'm living in a fairy tale or hoping for something more, but I'm thinking positively. I hope there is something more out there for me...there has to be. Because I deserve a fabulous man who will treat me, my family, and my friends with respect, honor, integrity, honesty, and trust. For now, I will be me...I will just be me.
Thank you to my wonderful friends and family for their never-ending support through such a difficult time in my life. I'm keeping my head up and taking it one day at a time...b/c there's nothing else I can do for now :)
New year, new me....new beginnings.
Quote of the day ~ "If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree." ~Jim Rohn
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